An Open Letter to Myself

Hi there,

Here’s something I haven’t said to you in awhile (in a very, very long while):

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

Although it is often hard to give credit to ourselves, I want to take a second to do just that.

This year you have decided to make some MAJOR, positive changes in your life – and for that I applaud you.

You started off the year by taking a leap and joining an 80 day obsession health and fitness group.  You committed yourself to 80 days of clean eating, timed nutrition, and hard workouts.  Although I know it was hard for you to commit initially, I’m so glad you did.  I know you worried that you wouldn’t be able to do it, that you would fall on your face and fail miserably – but you haven’t, and you won’t.  I know you were scared to start meal prepping, to get rid of the bagels and the diet coke and the pizza and all the easy meals – but you did it.  Not only did you decide to make a change for these 80 days, you’re deciding to make a change for your life.  You’re learning good habits: what to eat, when to eat it, how much to eat, etc.  You will be taking along so much knowledge with you after these 80 days, and putting it to use for years to come.

You finally took a leap and became an online fitness coach.  Despite what people might think or say, you did it.  Despite the negative outlook that some have on online coaching, you did it.  You made a commitment to helping people reach their own goals.  You’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone by creating a fitness Instagram, posting more, talking more, and meeting a ton of new people.

Despite a hard first semester of college, you stuck it out.  You started into your spring semester with a full load of credits.  You didn’t know where your classes were, and you didn’t know where to park – but you did it.  You surrounded yourself with all sorts of new people, in classes you’re unfamiliar with it – and you’re thriving.

You finally had a realization that you needed more for yourself in this life.  You decided that hating your body couldn’t last forever.  You decided that eating crappy food because it’s easier than making an effort wasn’t going to cut it anymore.  You decided that despite some peoples negative attitudes and rude comments, you didn’t have to put up with that.

You decided that you wanted to like what you saw when you looked in the mirror.  You wanted to create a body that was strong and lean and capable of amazing things.  You didn’t want to tear yourself down every morning, saying hurtful things that weren’t even true.  You didn’t want to feel uncomfortable anytime you put on something other than sweatpants and a baggy tshirt.  You didn’t want to keep hiding the person you really were behind someone who you thought society “needed” you to be.

It finally hit you that depression and anxiety could not control you for the rest of your life. It could not continue to be your crutch, or prevent you from living your best life. You decided you didn’t want to be so incredibly drugged up that you didn’t feel like yourself.  You didn’t want to keep using your mental illness as this crutch, another excuse.  You lowered your dosage, and you found new ways to cope with those feelings.  So yea, you still struggle, but you’ve made a hell of a lot of progress.

You made your relationships a priority.  You were sick of losing touch with people just because life is busy.  You knew which people were worth keeping around, and you worked harder to mend those bonds.  You’re aware of the fact that life is busy and stuff gets in the way – but that doesn’t mean you can’t make time for one another.

You let yourself fall.  You let yourself completely fall into this love.  You opened up in your relationship, became honest with yourself and honest with him.  You let your guard down in ways that you have never done before.  You let down those walls and let him in completely.  You relished in the fact you’re lucky enough to have a boyfriend who doubles as a best friend. One who never judges you, constantly loves you, and only wants to build you up. You finally realized that loving fully with a possibility of hurt, was far better than never loving him at all.  In turn, you’ve only strengthened the love you have for each other.

You’ve become a better person. Instead of focusing on the negative 90% of the time, you’ve turned to the positive. You look at life in a brighter light, and you take less things for granted. You’re nice, and more aware. You’re sweeter, and happier. You’ve let go of the attitude, the hate, and the drama. Instead you’ve focused on the kindness, the laughter, and the love.

You may not have it all together, you definitely don’t have it all figured out… but you’ve certainly made a hell of a lot of progress. You have your bad days, but your good days outnumber them. You have your weak moments, but you’re becoming stronger all the time. You have your sassy moments, but you’re continuing to become a better human being.

I may tear you down more than I should; I may say mean, hurtful, terrible things sometimes (especially when you’re looking in the mirror)… but I am so proud of you. I am so proud of the progress you are making, and how far I know you will go. I’m watching you blossom, and I just can’t stop smiling.

So here’s to you. Here’s to becoming a better, happier, stronger you.

I am proud of you.

Sincerely,

Me.

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